Hi, my name is Sheindy, and I’m 23 years old and suffering with my mental health. 

First of all, I want to give a virtual hug to all the people who are reading my journey, as I’m sure you or a loved one is struggling with their mental health, too. 

It’s been years like this—so many years of feeling very low, depressed, and suicidal. I always had an underlying sense of loneliness and sadness, which developed into more serious bouts of depression and then hit rock bottom.

I never really had anyone to talk to, not even a parent, as they were emotionally unavailable. I sought attention in school and as in result I would be punished and was also nearly expelled from school.

My whole teenage years were a blur until an older female friend sexually assaulted me. Note that I added female—because people don’t understand how severe this can be. That a female could abuse another female. That this kind of abuse can be considered rape. 

She would groom me and take me under her wing. I felt happy for once! But I didn’t realize the damage that it had caused and that it is still causing. It was an awfully lonely and isolating year in that relationship until I got help to support me out of it.

It was really hard.

 At that point, my suicidal thoughts were out of hand. Yet again, I was silent. Nothing too extreme- but I started self-harming, turning to alcohol and drugs.

I was in too much pain. And I couldn’t handle life any longer. Each day would be more painful. And I had tried attempting to end my life, a couple of times over the past few years. But you see, I’m still here;) so I guess I have a bigger purpose in this world.

At that point, I was trying all sorts of trauma therapy and medications to see how I could get out of this mess.

I was in such a deep, dark place. And even so, I believe there is hope. 

Take it from me.

With patience, trying, and not giving up, I’m getting there. I am learning to live the life I had always wished for but never dreamed I would get it. I woke up every day and said, “God, just make me happy.”

I’ve done a lot of work, and it’s a process. Through finding the right medications, therapy, and tools—be it yoga, meditation, writing, drawing, singing, nature animals, or music—I learned to start a new journey—a journey of hope, a journey of trying. I was committed to giving it my best!

Don’t worry, I fell in between. But I got right back up.

I let myself feel my pain, process it, and move on.

And mainly learned what makes me happy, and I do it—even though people might think I’m weird, lol.

My advice to you, whoever is reading this and is currently struggling, is never to give up, even on the hardest day! I know it may seem cliché, but you are loved, and you matter.

Also, I suggest a tool I have used: writing. It helped me a lot in my journey—even if it’s not a poem or perfect. Just scribble down words. Describe how you feel. It helps when you put words on paper.

Best wishes and good luck on your journey.

Keep strong, and I’m rooting for you.

Sindy x

PS: If you ever want to reach out, you can: Sheindystern16@gmail.com